Monday, April 30, 2012

Z can suck it!

So far -throughout this challenge, with any other letter- I have simply sat down in front of my laptop, typed "A is for..." and a word would just show up, as if by some magical voo-dooism.  But, Z is a stupid letter, and I can prove it. 
When my muse refused to be part of the (stupid) letter Z, I looked up a list of Z-words and their meanings.  It was a list of pure gibberish, and I will share some of it with you now, but first -in keeping with my A to Z writing design: Today, Z is for Z.

I would like to start with "zizz."  Any guesses on what this ridiculous, poor excuse for a word might mean?  Sparkle!  It means sparkle, as in: "Look at Edward Cullen zizz when the sun hits him!"  Are you serious?  Look, I'm all about having a plethora of synonyms to choose from, but now they're just making shit up.


Okay.  How 'bout this one: zoetic?  This lovely sham of a word pretends to mean living, vital.  "Sally was just in a horrible car crash!"

"Oh my god!  Is she zoetic?"

"WTF are you talking about?  Did you just say zoetic?  I'm hanging up now.  And in case you care, she's alive; her vitals are good.  Asshole."

I now introduce to you zonoid, which means "like a zone."  So, are we now simply adding "-oid" to indicate that one thing is like another?  Well then!  Here I go:  assoid, floweroid, squirreloid, french fryoid, your mamaoid, hemorrhoid (how exactly, pray-tell, is an itchy lump on one's anal cavern like a "hemorrh?").  Oh!  and I love this one: zonelet.  If you guessed that this word means "little zone," you win an orange conelet with which to mark your zonelet.  Notelet: whatever you do, don't tell your husband he has a dicklet.  That's just not nice.
Moving on...

Apparently, if you combine the word "zoo" with any other word in the English language, you will get a bonafide farce of a word that supposedly means "animal + the other word."  For instance, zoodynamics means "the dynamics of an animal's body."  Zoochemistry is the "chemistry of animals."  Zoogeography is "the study of geographical distribution of animals."  On and on it goes; HOWEVER; zoodikers does not -i repeat, DOES NOT- refer to lesbian animals.  A zoodikers is "an exclamation."  What the shitlet is THAT about?

As it turns out, zygology is "the science of joining and fastening."  So, the next time you put on a belt, or lace a shoe, or knot-off a noose, you now know you are a practicing zygologist.  Kudos.


Here's a stumper for you: a zoster is "a girdle," and a zosteriform means "shaped like a girdle," yet a zosterops is not -I repeat, NOT- a one-eyed dinosaur wearing a girdle.  I know.  I am as shocked as you are.


This A to Z challenge has taught me a lot.  I have uncovered some long and well-kept government secrets (poor, poor chickens); I know exactly what I'm going to do if I should discover that the world is, indeed, coming to an end in December 2012; I have learned to embrace the fact that I hear voices...lots of them; I acknowledge and accept that I am a mental masochist; I made the delightful discovery that many of you LOVE cheese as much as I do; I understand that my Asian friend, Me, is pathetically co-dependent, and I judge her for it...freely; I have learned that Oscar Meyer has superior marketing skills; I recognize that memories are important, but they do not define us or the moment in which we stand; I now know that I will never be able to properly spell lickerish, and I don't care, because liccaritch sucks; I realize how amazed I am by the magic we all hold, yet about which, we know very little; I know that I do not regret kicking my bitch-ass ho of a mother to the curb, because she was a horrible energy and influence in my life; I am coming to accept that I may never be able to sufficiently define "intelligent life-form," but I also do not plan to stop seeking Truth; I think it is safe to say that I reminded everyone how cool haikus are; I reminded myself how awesomely unique my goldfish, Morpheus, was (RIP, lil' homie); I learned that most people don't want to be bothered with the rest of humanity, so fuck 'em; I expressed and stand by my love and admiration for dogs; I fully realize that I will always become near-homicidal when subjected to loud chewers, AKA smackers, so watch yourselves, you nasty fouloids; I think I am learning that I want to be a butterfly (I can't really remember the metaphorical crap I wrapped around that one, so...); and also, I like apples.  Most of all importance, though, this challenge has taught me that "Z" is a wanna-be pseudo letter that heads up mostly ridiculous, fake words. 

That's it for the 2012 A to Z Challenge, folks.  It's been real.  Now, I gotta get back to the list that started this blog-thing in the first place.  Thanks to my constant readers, and thanks to everyone else that stopped by the Basement.  I hope you'll keep coming 'round. 

11 comments:

  1. Great job on this challenge Aubree! I enjoyed reading from A to Z :)

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  2. Ok, so THIS is by far my favorite post. I laughed all the way through.

    Perfect.

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  3. Replies
    1. it doesn't deserve to be spelled correctly.

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  4. Thanks, I needed those words for Scrabble!

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    Replies
    1. LMAO. Glad I could be of assistance, even if they are fake words. :)

      Delete
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