Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The 26th Ingredient - Torture

Note: If you are new to this blog, you may want to first try Cooking without a Spoon (the List referenced can be found here ). You will likely find the flow of descriptive language and metaphorical purpose easier to follow and more meaningful. OR, you can just throw caution to the wind, and do whatever the hell you want: begin here, pick something random, or hang out back in the April 2012 archive with the A to Z Blog Challenge. Despite your method of entry, thanks for stopping by the Basement. Please excuse the mess...

"Torture  - noun.  1). the act of inflicting excruciating pain, as punishment or revenge, as a means of getting a confession or information, or for sheer cruelty.  2). extreme anguish of body or mind; agony."  ---iphone Dictionary app b/c I am too lazy to get up and lift my 100 lb Webster's Unabridged; seriously, I have held toddlers that weigh less---

I've been staring at this word, torture, for some time now...not b/c I don't recall why I added it to the List, but b/c I DO remember - all too clearly - the why, the what, and the who of this one.  "Extreme anguish of body OR MIND."  In this way, I am the Perpetrator.  I am the Victim.  I am the Arresting Authority.  I am Defense and Prosecution, as well as Judge and Jury.  I am the Executioner.  And, I am the blood-thirsty Spectators. 

I am all of these things - not people, but things.  I am but one person with a thousand perspectives, and these things(?): they are the vantage points: dangerous and daunting; relentless in depth and altitude, and stingy with oxygen.

Allow me to make some introductions:

The Perpetrator: a hostile Perspective with too many masks to count; so many masks, in fact, that it seems almost humorous to think that they all will one day face execution.  The Perpetrator does not sleep, ever.  There is no time.  The Perpetrator does not clean. The victims are gathered so often that it seems a silly practice to clean between "projects."  Some of torturous ambition have rites and rituals to apply to their work; but, not this Perp.  There is not time for such things, and to waste time is to waste anguish.

The Victim: a vast Perspective of memory and emotion.

The Arresting Authority (AA): a growing Perspective.  Having undergone intense training over the years, the AA is no longer a cadet, but not yet a Captain.

The Defense: a dark and senseless Perspective. Recognizing every bit of guilt, the Defense always makes a mad dash to the Perpetrator.

The Prosecution: a well-meaning, but hopelessly obsessed Perspective.

The Judge: a fickle Perspective.  The Judge is not so concerned with lawful abiding as adherence to the mood of the moment.  The Judge has been known to turn as harshly on the Victim as the Perpetrator.  This is a judge that can be bought, and sold.

The Jury: a varying Perspective.  The Jury is a collection of cause and effect; occurrence and lesson.  A juxtaposition of grand ideals and misguided judgments, resulting from a broken collaboration between the Defense and Prosecution.

The Executioner: an over-zealous Perspective.  The Executioner desires to end all things that get in the way of beginnings; however, it should be well-noted that anyone wielding a sharp blade and an eager swing is likely to have bad aim.

The Spectators:  an endless array of (mostly) antagonistic Perspective.  Among the Spectators awaiting the Executioner's "show" are the curious, the hostile, the irrevocably sad, the hopeless, the instigators, the unforgiving, the scorned, the grieving...on and on it goes.  Eventually, each Spectator will become one of two things: Victim, or Perpetrator.

I cannot say why I've spent most of my life so hell-bent on creating new and improved versions of the Perpetrator; I cannot say how long I will allow myself to fall myself.  But, I can say that my role as Arresting Authority is growing, and I am becoming pretty well-versed in recognizing the various costumes that the Perp is wont to wear.  Do not misunderstand: It remains fairly common that I get duped by the appearance of new masks, or monumentally horrified by how innovative the Perp can be in the design and construct of torturous tools and techniques; nor am I immune to the regret and heartbreak when I happen upon cold-case files, revisited.  But let the Perp underestimate me, I say.  Because, these days, I am a lot less likely to question my judgment as Arresting Authority and far more inclined to simply lock and load. 

One day, I hope to be strong enough to have an answer to any questioning motives of the Judge.  I hope to be wise enough to somehow ensure a diversely sound Jury selection without the assistance of misery's willing accomplice or the obsessive result-seeker.  I hope to find a way to appeal to the Executioner's vision in a way that slows her pulse and steadies her swing.  But mostly, once the Perp has been identified, arrested, tried, convicted, and sentenced...I hope - one day, as the Executioner stands ready - for the strength and wherewithal to convince the Spectators that there is no place for them there, because the only Perspectives required at that time are the ones willing to look away, and change.


  1. WOW, very detailed and interesting, I do think I will have to go back like you said and read a few more of you blogs to get a better understanding but like I said... very interesting :)

    1. launna, thank you for reading, and thank you further for having the desire to look back at posts past. That means a lot.

  2. We've all destroyed, and been destroyed. Well written.

    1. Wow, Flip. Written like someone that really gets it. Thank you.

  3. I resonate with all these internal folks way too much. I love how you give names to each of the roles and how they all play out. And I love flip mcfliperson's comment too!

  4. Hi new holey sweatpants friend! Your internal voices sound much more complex and way smarter than mine do. Mine are not the Judge nor the Perp nor the Arresting Authority. Mine are Dumbass, Dipshit and The Idiot Optimist. Yup. I'm pretty simple that way. I get excited. I get overwhelmed. And then I get pissed off at myself. The way you said it was WAY better. Gonna go take a browse around your blog now. You just may be my new BFF!

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