Friday, April 5, 2013

I am Epic and Awesome: Part Duex

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Not only did I just get another blog award, but word on the street is that it was named after me!  See for yourself...





In case you don't know, my Native American name translates to "She of Epic Awesomeness" (to be honest, there IS some debate about it; there seems to be a small chance that it actually translates to "She With Ass That Rumbles," but whatevs).

Me receiving this award is just so damn appropriate, and since this moment is all about ME, part of the conditioning that allows me to accept this award is that I write ten interesting "facts" about myself.  You're welcome.  But first, I need to send a BIG shout out to Bad Word Mama for giving me this award, and for being a constant source of support and encouragement and kind feedback since I began this blog.  Y'all go check her out: she's real, she's honest, and she's funny.  What more could one possibly want in a blogger?!?

Addendum (made April 8, 2013): I am officially Epic Awesomeness TIMES TWO!  Another incredibly funny and talented blogger has nominated me for this award: thanks SO much to Lanthie over at Life of Cherries for the blog props!! I am truly honored and humbled by all this blove <---just borrow="" em="" free="" it.="" made="" that="" to="" up...feel="">

Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for...ten things about me that will bring completion to your day - perhaps your existence:

1.) After 20 hours of labor, I had to have a C-section.  I had two OBGYNs at the time.  One of them was knowledgeable and kind, and the other was a pompous bag of douche.  As it happens, the arrogant shit-licker was on-call when it was time for me to "go under the knife."  So, he performed the operation/delivery, and two days later  - when they finally took the catheter out - I got up to use the bathroom and happened upon a glimpse of my ass in the mirror.  I shit you not, ladies and gents: that fucker had drawn a smiley face on my ass with his operation pen!!

2.) I haven't pooped in three days.

3.) I suffer horribly from insomnia...and when I do sleep, I am often plagued with horrible nightmares. Last year, for almost the ENTIRE year, I had apocalyptic dreams every night until one night I had one that was so bad it took the hubs a good 20 minutes to calm me down.  I was convulsing (literally, my body was convulsing) from utter terror.  You have to understand, I am someone that is quite accustomed to be accosted by scary shit in the wee hours, but this one was different.  Here's the interesting part: apparently, it was so horrible that even as I convulsed and bawled my way through trying to describe it to the hubs, my mind went into protection mode and started wiping it from my memory.  In a matter of minutes, it went from an all-too-clear recall of horror to vague and smeary images of something far away.  THAT'S how bad it was, my friends.

4.) I often have prophetic dreams and visions.  I wish I was kidding.

5.) I blow my morning breath into my dog's face to see how he reacts.  If he doesn't run away whimpering, I don't bother brushing my teeth.  I am, of course, totally kidding about the last part.  Or am I???

6.) I am a practical joke GENIUS. 

7.) I truly believe that my mother tried to smother me when I was an infant.  I would bet money on it, and I'm not a bettin' gal.

8.) I have a condition known as prosopagnosia, or face-blindness.  There are varying degrees of this disorder; I am mildly to moderately afflicted.  This means that I can look directly at someone, they can walk away, and I will not recognize them when they return mere moments later.  Once I become familiar with a person, I can easily recognize them. 

9.) I think it is absolutely ridiculous when a man makes a big deal out of having to buy famine products for the woman or women in his life.  Man up!  Be proud that you know the difference between the various tampon absorbencies!!

10.) I think I was a decorated general in WWII in a past life.  I can watch movies about any other war, but not that one.  I made the mistake of watching Saving Private Ryan, and I felt physically ill through the entire movie.  It made my soul itch.  That night, I awoke sitting straight up in bed, using military hand-gestures.  In the dream I was giving commands in military-speak of which I was not consciously aware I had any knowledge.  It was so real, and graphic, yet there was no time to feel fear as the general I was.  There was only action...and concern for the soldiers under me.

Okay...link award image in this post and on my page: check. Give (sincere) props and link y'all to the blogger with awesome taste that nominated me: check. Share ten weird "facts" about myself: check.

As the final acceptance requirement: I get the honor of acknowledging some stellar bloggers by nominating some of my own faves (some may have already received this particular award, or some may not enjoy the process of receiving these awards by having to adhere to the "rules," but even so, this is my way of honoring you and your craft, as well as pimping you out to as many readers as possible).  And the Epically Awesome Blog Award goes to....

http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/

http://izombielover.blogspot.com/

http://delightfullyludicrous.blogspot.com/

http://thereseoneill.blogspot.com/

http://loisstearns.blogspot.com/

http://xcartwright.blogspot.com/

http://www.pullmyfunnybone.com/

http://shaystone-seriously-wth.blogspot.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/











18 comments:

  1. Thank you, I am honored!

    I will claim the award properly next week.

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  2. #5 and #8.. noodles that were in my mouth damn near came out my nose!!! Hilarious.
    You picked some great bloggers. Love "The Cranky Old Man."
    xoxo

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    1. Omg! I can't believe u are making fun of my (#8) affliction! ;) Actually, it is a real condition and I do have it. I've done a lot if reading about it and there are degrees of face-blindness that are so intense that a person CANNOT ever recognize their spouses or children or ANYONE. They have to learn to recognize other things, such as mannerisms and gait and their clothing. Crazy.

      And sadly, it is also true that a torment my dog with my morning breath. Well, I say "torment," but since he has an addiction to cat shit, he probably thinks it smells delightful. :)

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  3. Congratulations... very interesting facts about you, some funny... some wonky... very cool to share though :)

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    1. Yes ma'am. I can definitely be wonky (my new favorite word).

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  4. Oh my GODI don't even know where to begin with this! First of all, congratulations on the Epically Awesome Award because yes, you are! Secondly I am honored that you nominated me and will proudly add your name to the badge on my sidebar. Thirdly---I loved getting to know you better and seeing the things we have in common. I had 4 c-sections and I actually wanted them to keep the damn catheter in! But alas, no smiley face on my ass (hey, that rhymes! I could make a dirty limerick out of it!). The poop thing--yeah, I got that issue as well. I live on fiber pills and Metamucil. What I don't get--where the hell does all that food go when it sits in you that long?? Poop is the main conversation starter in my house. I too, have a hubs who buys tampons without asking questions--he manned up years ago and knows EXACTLY what kind I need.OK now this is where it gets eerie---your fascination with WWII--for me it's WWI. Aviation, to be exact. I had some freak things happen many years ago in regard to this. We'll have to talk someday. Lastly--you have prophetic dreams and I see dead people. Oh my, can you imagine what would happen if we got together?? #8 I have never heard of---very interesting, though. I really enjoyed reading this post--you did a bang up job with it, and again, congratulations!

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    1. Haha. Another communality: me and my boys (the hubs and our son) love the potty humor. And we often share I'm depth descriptions of our most recent bowel movements. Of course, I mostly just complain about the factory of bricks in my colon, but when I DO finally go, it's truly epic. With so many bricks, I sometimes plop out entire houses. My poor husband. Always having to plunge after mama makes a deposit in the "Stank of America."

      One of these days, we will have to exchange our sixth sense stories (besides prophetic dreams and visions, I also get "visited," and there are actually a few of my followers that can attest to this. I do not SEE them mist of the time, but I HEAR them. Boy, do I hear them!) <--- I guess this qualifies as "wonky," but I decided a while back that I was going to be open about it, and trust me: there is no one out there that is a bigger skeptic than I about the things I experience. Sometimes, though, we won't always have a suitable "earthly" explanation about things. As my boy says: it is what it is.

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    2. Oh Lordy! Now I KNOW I truly love you! Friend me on Fb and we will talk some more soon....under marciakesterdoyle.

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  5. Well now......Congratulations on receiving this prestigious award and thanks for those fascinating and weird revelations about yourself.

    Thanks too for your kind words about my blog and for nominating ME for the award. I am honored, but asm not sure I can live up to the hype. I will evaluate my condition next wee and will try to fulfill the requirements. How can I ever decide on which 10 fascinating things to reveal.......decisions, decisions......

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    1. "fascinating and weird:" two awesome compliments in one sentence! Thank you! I am excited to read what you decide to reveal about yourself.

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  6. You deserve all the awards you get. Unless you get like a Tony or a NAACP image award. 'Cause that would just be weird.

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    1. Well damn. Thanks Flip. I was actually going to send this one out to you, too, but then i thought, "he's going to think I'm stalking him (which isn't exactly untrue)," but mostly I thought you might not want to be my best friend anymore if I bombarded you with the obligatory feeling of having to follow TWO posts of award guidelines in one week while u r working on the A-Z Challenge. You are w/o a doubt in my top three of faves, and I will happily pimp your blog out anytime!

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  7. I have given you an awesome award - http://www.lifecherries.com/2013/04/sharing-love-more-awards.html

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  8. Thank you!!! I haven't been blogging for ages and I accumulated quite a backlog of awards:) I super appreciate the recognition - and eventually I will blog my thanks to everyone! :) :)

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  9. One of my brothers in law is also a practical joke GENIUS, but he knows better than to play any pranks on me......

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