Friday, November 30, 2012

Blog Award (Liebster) Acceptance Speech

I am honored to have been nominated twice for the most prestigious blog award ever, The Liebster Blogger Award.  Thanks so much to AND for recognizing how diversely intellectual and hilarious my blog is.  I am truly made humble by your celebration of my incredible writing prowess.  To be nominated is a monumental accomplishment, but I am even more honored that I WON IT.  I mean, I beat out like a thousand other blogger-nominees, and it's not like you automatically win just because your nominated...right?

For those of you that have not ever visited The Basement before now, here are my two most popular posts for your viewing pleasure (you're welcome):


As part of the conditions of accepting this very, very, very special accolade, I am supposed to answer, honestly, the following questions (each set of 11 questions was acquired from the two peeps that nominated me...the only fair thing to do if I am going to DOUBLY accept acknowledgement of my awesomeness is to answer both sets of questions):

Questions from Pullmyfunnybone's page:

1. Have you ever been caught in a lie?  I do not lie...ever, and if I did (hypothetically), I would lie about it.  Duh.

2. If you had superhuman powers, which power would you have? This is an easy one, as I have put A LOT of thought into this very thing over the years and recently shared with the Facebook world that my superpower - without any doubt at all - would be the ability to make people shit themselves at my command.  Just let that one simmer for a bit, and the next time someone pisses you off, let it come to mind.

3. If your significant other gave you a "free pass" - who would be yours?  hmmmm. My "free pass" would be him at a different age...maybe an age before we met???  Or maybe right around the time we met?  Or a couple of years after we met?  Both of us younger and more flexible with a teenager's libido.  Yeah.

4. What is your biggest phobia? I would have to definitely say roaches.  They are the embodiment of all evil.

5. What is the longest you've gone without taking a bath or shower? I don't go longer than every other day unless I am sick...the worst illness I can remember would probably have kept me out of the shower/bath for a few days (technically, even that's not true, b/c the hubs had to force me into a cold shower to get my 105 fever to drop.  That super-sucked).

6. What flaw is enough to make you end a relationship? Inconsideration...period.

7. Do you have any tattoos? Yes.  On the back of my neck resides the Latin word for "remember."

8. Have you ever looked in some one's medicine cabinet?  Yes.  Who hasn't?

9. Do you pee in the shower? Pretty much every time.

10. How often do you ignore calls on your cell phone? Pretty often.

11. What's your favorite part of your body?  My clitoris, obviously. 

Questions from Badwordmama's page:
1. Do you salt your watermelon?
No...never, but my boys do, and I have to say: I find it strange.

2. Your favorite beverage is?
My morning cup of coffee made with sugar and french vanilla creamer (Aldi brand: it is THE best creamer).

3. Have you ever tasted cat or dog food?
 I once put a dog "cookie" to the tip of my tongue.  Bland.

4. If you were a pro athlete, what sport would you play?
  Easy: putt-putt.

5. What animal best represents you?
  I am a lioness, bitches.  *ROAR*

6. What is the weirdest job you ever had/or hated?
  A combination GED tutor/prostitute.
7. Have you ever gotten stuck in something and had to yell for help to get out?
 Yes.  I was stuck on the bathroom counter for two hours until my husband got home from a late-night gig (not the same one I had), b/c I saw a mouse.

8. Have you ever "sharted" (SORRY!! MY HUSBAND MADE THIS ONE UP!!!)?
 Don't apologize.  Your husband is awesome, and yes, I have sharted.  I remember thinking "I now understand why they call it 'a Hershey squirt,' b/c it looks just like a squirt of Hershey."

9. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
 Like seven.  I was easy.

10. If you were on Death Row, what would your last meal request be?
A ribeye - cooked medium, a twice-baked potato w/ extra cheese and sour cream, steamed broccoli with a garlic butter sauce, and a couple of California rolls (w/cream cheese); several margaritas and water to drink; and a big-ass honkin piece of fried cheesecake drizzled atop with strawberry goodness (I kind of wish I was on death row right now).

11. What is one of your most embarrassing moments?
Honestly, I can't think of one.  I just don't embarrass easily...a blessing and a curse.
Okay.  Questions answered.  Now, per the rules of accepting the Liebster Award, I have to come up with eleven more questions of my own to ask the eleven other totally blogtastic blogs that I nominate for this most valuable of all blog awards (which seems kind of pointless since I already won it, but even still, I want to promote the following reads that are definitely worth your time). My eleven questions are written below the following list of awesome bloggers for them to copy, paste, and answer on to their respective pages should they choose to accept my nomination (as a nominee, be sure to copy and paste the Liebster icon on to your Blog Mainpage).  SOOOOOOOO, without further ado, I nominate:

My questions to the above nominees should they choose to accept this incredibly blogalicious award:

1.) Do you consider yourself to be super-duper fly?
2.) What is your favorite reality show?
3.) Do you fear that the Apocalypse or Armageddon will occur in your lifetime?
4.) What is one of your top three favorite quotes of all time?
5.) Who is your Favorite writer?
6.) Can you recite any movie in its entirety, and if so, which one?
7.) What one person has most influenced your life thus far?
8.) What is your favorite childhood memory?
9.) Why do you blog?
10.) What is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to you?
And finally, number 11) Do you wipe front to back or back to front?


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Ingredient 22 - Truth

Oh my!  I have to wonder how many people will recognize how Cosmically appropriate it is that "truth" should be number 22 (this, btw, was not by design. When I composed what is now referred to - by basement dwellers - as "The List," I was not keeping track of the number of each "life-tab").  Anyhoo, I find it incredibly telling that Truth and 22 are revealed as a pairing.  Good shit.  Well done, Muse.  Well done.  And now....

Truth: As we sift through the windfalls of a matter more immense than we are meant to understand, the truth can lead us astray - having yet to find a proper and accurate way to define the certainties of an aged and fruitful generation.  Dropping the curtain on the intended recital, all characters are left to their own devices, and weaponry is usually outfitted first and foremost among the infant races. 

And, with the wood and iron that remains after the pillaging of a mind under pressure of proof and inquiry, a cross is made for the vessel to climb upon to ensure that her suffering is long and uninspired. 

Turn away from the light and there you will see dark.  Turn into the light, and there you will see the safe harbor that lives within, everlong.  Can you not take a breath without questioning its purpose?  Can you not question its purpose without stealing breath from the moment? 

Drop, drop, drop to your knees and let the vision humble you, for before long you will need humbling...again.  Stand, stand, stand on your toes and let the vision lift you, for it won't be long that you will need to be lifted, again. 

Seek without fear of being sought.  Do you understand?  You must seek without fear of being sought.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Ingredient 21 - Wanting

Next ingredient:  Wanting.  Right.  Let us get started, then...

Rather than launching into a pseudo-philosophical rant about the nature of "wanting," I have decided instead to write a post about things I want.  Feel free to gift any of the following.  I am not one of those people that pretend not to want gifts.  Presents are awesome!!

My wantings:

1. To be able to take a big honkin' crap.  Seriously, my bowels haven't properly moved in over a month, and I am walking around with a brick in my ass.  I need to drop an entire Cosby reunion off at the pool, if you catch my drift.  (Two days after writing this: wish granted.  Who knew all I had to do was blog about it to a very small fraction of the world?)

2.  I want world peace, but I cannot buy into the idealism that presents this as any sort of possibility.  The human rate of evolution is far behind such lofty goals.  It is what it is.

3.  I want Time to slow the hell down!  I always see depictions of Father Time as an old crusty man, but this cannot be accurate.  In my mind, he is a rude and impatient intruder just pushing us along, wanting to cut in line.

4.  I want to be able to eat what ever I wish when ever I wish and maintain the body I had when I was shopping - as an adult (a crazy SEXY adult) - in the little girl's department 10 years ago.  I really think I MIGHT wish for this before wishing for complete financial security...or world peace.  That's right: I'm doing something for MYSELF for once, so suck it.

5.  I want financial security...and not the type that gets the bills paid with nothing remaining.  I want to be able to buy that special something that makes me think of my best friend when I see it, or even for my neighbor to whom I hardly speak, without having to go over numbers in my checkbook only to find that it's not possible b/c I have groceries to buy and just enough with which to buy them.  I want to be able to take awesome vacations with my loved ones.  I want to be able to buy my son and my nieces and nephews new, safe cars or trucks to drive; I want to be able to pay my mother-in-law's house off, and pay for all the renovations she wants done; I want to be able to write checks of huge dividends to St. Jude's Hospital for Children every quarter; I want to be able to pay my best friend's school loans and credit cards off, and I want to build the beautiful house for which we have planned almost every detail right down to the awesome and HUGE zen garden.

6.  I want pharmacy keys.

7.  I want people to stop being blindly lead and encouraged to keep and create further division between us.  Let's let go of the envy, the class warfare, the racial and religious labeling.  THAT'S what I want.

8.  I want my alpha dog to stop eating his retarded brother's dookie.  I want to never see him walk out of a room with what looks to be a cigar hanging from his lips (and yes: the retard still poops in the house when he is upset about something or feels he isn't getting enough attention, which means ALL of the attention, leaving none for his shit-eating brother.  He's autistic).

9.  I want this country to return to the blueprint our fore-fathers laid out for us.

10.  I want TOOL to make another fucking record...for the love of god!!!  I NEED it.  That should be enough incentive for them.

11.  I want some more old typewriters to add to my collection.

12.  I want my husband's middle-of-the-night ass blastations to not stink or burn my thigh when he turns over and points that thing at me.

13.  I want a re-do on about four things I've said or done in my 36 years.

14.  I want to get my novel(s) written.

15.  I want to get my novel(s) published by a real publisher and not some ebook publisher.

16.  I want to time-travel at my own discretion and direction.

17.  I want to not feel hostile toward people that I think have good hearts, yet I question what I really know about them when their actions paint them as complete hypocrites and biased thinkers...this makes it easier for the hostility to abound.

18.  I want the world to recognize that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS REVERSE RACISM and to use this term is, indeed, racist.  Also, giving praise and respect to ANYBODY b/c of their skin color is every bit as racist as NOT respecting someone for their skin color.  Either way, character is being overlooked b/c of race. 

19.  And finally, I want - and am going to make a conscious effort, daily - to just be me, quirks and all; talents and all; gifts and all (even if some of said Gifts may be considered by some to be unconventional, i will no longer block ANY message given in and of Love & Light out of fear for what others may think about it).  I am what I am supposed to be.  I am exactly WHO I am supposed to be.  I am no longer going to fight the Title assigned to me, b/c this does not make me humble; it makes me ignorant and consumed by everything that does not matter.

20.  Oh yeah...and I want presents.