Friday, April 13, 2012

AtoZ/Day13 - letter L

Okay.  After the weight of my last post (some heavy sh*t, right?), I have decided to make this one light and airy, like a broccoli fart (I was going to say like a Taco Bell fart, but those tend to have more, um, "substance" than lightness, so I went with broccoli).  And, in the spirit of light-weight material, today L is for Lymph Nodes.  J/k.  Today, L is for Little Kids Starving on the Streets. NO! Of course not.  That's not light at all.  That's like, a pant-load.  Okay.  For real this time: L is for Lipstick.  That's light, right?  I mean, except for the darker shades.  But, I said "light," not boring.  One more time: today, L is for..... Licorrice.  Man, I hate that stuff.  I hate it so much, I'm not even going to spell-check it.  Is there anyone on earth that actually likes liccorrice?  If I go to hell (and the chances are like 50-50; if the Christians got it right, I'm screwed.  If the Buddhists have it right, I might have a chance at Nirvana -or is that the Hindus? If I, however, have it right, then I will not only be going to heaven, I am actually the ruler of all that Is, waiting to be set free from this body by a posse of archangels that are being held hostage in underwater volcanoes.  Wait.  That might be Scientology.  Whatever.  Like I said, 50-50), all they will serve me is lickerish and beets.  And I will only be allowed to listen to Taylor Swift singing infinite duets with Bob Dylan while I eat my liquoriche and beets. 
Where does likkereice come from, anyway?  Isn't it a root, or something?  If so, I feel sorry for the plant.  I mean, if the very thing that holds your life in place sucks as bad as lickheritch, then what can that possibly say about your life, as a whole.  Poor, poor likoriche plant...if it is, indeed, a root.
It's more likely, though, that lickqueriss is one of the evil things left behind by the Moofocka Alien Tribe, like roaches (if today was "R" Day, I would be going off right now about how roaches are the absolute physical manifestation of everything negative and evil in the world).  Yes.  Now that I think about it, Lleikorish resembles exactly the kind of thing a Moofocka would invent.  Damn Moofockas!
Well, it looks like I have uncovered yet another lingering mystery with my master blogging skills. 
You're welcome.


  1. Perry Farrell loves LICORICE! I love the smell, but the taste, not so much.

  2. I hate licorice too! Bleck. My son has a licorice smelling marker, it's gross when he opens it!