Thursday, March 14, 2013

Ingredient 23 - Forgiving

Oh boy.

This "ingredient" drudges up a lot of...drudgery, both past and present. However, in keeping with my usual expressive stylistic ponderings, I will try to withhold as much of my anger and resentment as possible while making my way through my analysis of this very sensitive of issues.  I wouldn't want to offend anyone.  Would I? 


All right: number we go...

So...I took an unplanned sabbatical from the Blogdom recently, and upon returning, I find that the next List item awaiting my unabashed blathering is "forgiving."  To this, I throw back my overloaded head and laugh: a cynical laugh; a shake-my-fists-at-the-sky laugh; an "oh hell, no...those fuckers aren't getting off that easily just because of a seemingly cosmic suggestion" laugh (What? You don't believe that God speaks to us through blog titles and poetry?  Well, aren't you a precious little atheist?). 

You might be wondering who and what I am carrying on about.  That's okay.  I'm sure you're not alone.  HOWEVER, since I don't currently feel like describing - in detail - the massive demon sphincters who are trying desperately to portray themselves as the (ever-dwindling) decent portion of humanity AND who have recently inserted themselves like expired suppositories into my Life's digestive tract, I will instead focus on the THINGS (or a lack thereof) that make them unforgivable bags of suckage.


I am not a difficult person.  I don't demand much from human beings, b/c I learned a long time ago not to expect much from them; however, there are a few things that every decently striving human being should TRY to possess, and they are as follows (in no real particular order; I'm simply numbering them b/c I think it looks pretty.  And also, my OCD demands it):

1. Consideration. Look, I realize we all drop the ball on this one from time to time.  With all of the distractions in life, it is difficult to be considerate ALL THE TIME.  I get that.  But those that cannot see past the tips of their own noses on a REGULAR basis are a complete waste of breath and arterial circulation.  Seriously, they are not worth the effort it takes to run the bodies that house their filthy fucking souls. (You guys have NO idea how difficult it is for me to be holding back right now.  I'm really proud of my self-control).

2. Honesty. This is not a difficult thing to achieve.  It just isn't.  And here's some solid advice on how one might begin to practice some semblance of an honest flow - more often than not: REFRAIN FROM BEGINNING EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE BY LYING TO YOURSELF.  If a person's life is completely off-balance because he/she is spending far more time PERFORMING than BEING, of course he/she will be unable to offer anything real to any relationship.  And what really gets me going are the taint boils that perform what they constantly refer to as their own authenticity.  "Hey. Look at me! I'm REAL. I say what's on my mind. I mean what I say!"  Yet the problem with most of these people is what they "mean," and therefore what they say, changes from one person to the next.  These people also often confuse being loud and obnoxious with "being real," OR they will offer up a bit of offensive banter as testament to their "honesty."  Shock value = "I'm as authentic as they come" to many of these clowns, but when it comes down to material of any real HONEST cut and consistency, they come up short.  They come up short, b/c - for whatever reason - they have trained themselves to perform.  The rest of us: we are just stage props, a means to an end, a way to serve their scripted character's self-preservation.  And, as it comes to preserving the false image of themselves they have worked tirelessly to perfect and project, NO ONE is safe from the reach of their grimy lies and deceit. When a person lies more in a day than they speak the truth, they are a "performer."  I have no use for such mentality.  Why would I waste my time and hard-won forgiveness on such a complete and utter farce.  I wouldn't.  And I won't.

3. Loyalty. This is an extremely difficult thing to come by these days - in its purest form. Every now and then, life requires us to stand up for what is right.  At times, this might mean standing between two people of importance to you if one of those people is behaving like a total turtle fart.  If you ever find yourself WAITING IN VAIN for someone to jump to your defense when you are being treated harshly and unfairly in a completely unwarranted fashion, then mark this as a serious red-flag and character flaw in that someone.  If a person that claims to love you will not do right by you b/c he or she is afraid of negatively impacting the relationship they have with the other person involved, I would advise that you make note of their silence as being shady and cowardly.  Loyalty is not about choosing favorites.  Loyalty is about having the courage to stand up for what is right on behalf of someone you love.  Loyalty is about being there when you are needed, even if - no, ESPECIALLY IF - things get uncomfortable and maybe even inconvenient.  There have been many times in my life when I have had to look someone I love in the eye and say, "You are being a hippo's ass right now."  And you know what? Those remain some of the strongest relationships I have.  On the flip side, I have had close ones say the same kind of thing to me when I was acting out with misplaced emotion.  I told them to fuck off, and we are no longer friends.  Loyalty.

So, That's it. CONSIDERATION.  HONESTY.  LOYALTY. And thus far, in my 37 years, I have discovered that if a person is severely lacking one of these qualities, they are more than likely lacking the other two, as well.  When you consider all the sewage that is a definitive result of missing the CHL chromosome, you can pretty much count on the fact that you WILL be let down and covered in shit by these people.  Trust me when I say that ignoring the red flags does not make you immune to the (inevitable) Let Down.  And usually, the let down will be detrimental enough that you will find yourself asking some version of two questions: 1. Why am I keeping this person around? and 2. What does forgiving this person mean, and will I lose a piece of myself in the process? (I guess that's technically three questions, but whatevs).


  1. Oh how I missed you! So glad you're back! I hope everything is going well in your life. :)

    1. ugh. just taking it as it comes. what else can we do, really? i have to keep reminding myself that even when life allows us to think we have plans, it's an illusion. sometimes, though, i can embrace the illusions.

      but, i've recently removed some troublesome "elements" from my life, so at least i am being proactive.

  2. I read about one specific "element" on FB. :)

    1. ah yes. that would be the element of putrid existence.

  3. I'm so glad to see you back here!! But holy shit--remind me not to ever get on your bad side! But hey, you gotta feel better after venting. I did the same thing a few months ago on my blog--and it felt so damn good to get to all out in the open. Glad you did it and I hope you're feeling a little better as a result of it. Now don't disappear on us again---you were missed!

    1. Aaaaw. Thank you for missing me! And yes, I DO feel better. Somehow, getting it all out with expressed sarcasm and hostility just makes it all better. Truthfully, forgiveness is a tough issue for me to address bc of my mother (there's a post in here about her somewhere...I'll post it on FB should u want to read it), and I think this being the next topic to come up on the List from which I work/blog is a big reason why I took such a long break. And suddenly, I found myself with all this anger due to recent happenings and people that have nothing to do with my egg donor, so I found a way to address forgiveness without having to be vulnerable. I don't mind being vulnerable at times, but recently life is requiring me to not "go there." I talk a lot about how humanity sucks, but honestly, it takes a lot for me to feel such complete disdain as I have felt recently and as is reflected in this blog-post (& I def think my feelings re my mother crept thru the cracks in this one, too).