I cannot believe I have only come this far on The List. Damn. At least I picked a seemingly endless source of blogspiration.
"Obsessing again..." The subject matter changes, but the habit (?) does not. Is obsessing a habit? Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps a sickness? I don't know. I'll obsess about it later.
For as long as I can remember, I have been an obsessive thinker. It's not worry. That's different. It's more like the mental equivalent of having to flip a light switch a certain number of times: the thought being the switch. But, the difference between my form of OCD and having to wash my hands ten and a half times or touch my pillow three times before taking a dump, or having to kick the neighbor's cat before pulling out of the driveway is: these are all OUTWARD manifestations of crazy.
And also like this:
So, I take meds with the full understanding that I cannot expect anything close to full understanding from anyone that has not endured this kind of torment. The meds make me forget just how bad it can get; then I start feeling brave - like I can exist without chemical realignment. But, my reality quickly puts "baby in the corner," again.
And that's all I have to say about that.