Ingredient 24 - Bibles

Great.  Just after having to face "Forgiving," I now get slapped in my third-eye with Ingredient 24..."Bibles."  Peeeeeerfect.

So, what I have decided to do with this List item is write it up in prose.  The reason: b/c to even attempt to explain how and why "bibles" landed a spot among the other ingredients that make up a big-ass, mega-pot of Life Stew is an endeavor better saved for...oh, say: a novel.  OR, a four-part literary series (due to be released sometime before I die...I hope).  How does a non-Christian come to know so much about the Bible?  I'll tell you...


So much promise hidden by the belief
that we are delivered and then estranged;
Yet the same breath that forgets
anoints and awakens
the Architect within.

Time and sacrifice prescribed: intermittent relief
of the scattered, the gathered, and arranged;
The Begotten - now forgotten - left to beget
the eroded and forsaken,
the wrecking-ball within.

Wayward uncertainty laid down in stone
with chisels desperate for salvation;
Silence for distraction: a merchant lost & found
between sand and constellations,
filling the Chalice within.

A Tree to climb Eternal, in wholeness stands alone
transforming challenge to contemplation;
Dancing without motion, Singing without a sound
such Movement (!) without vibration,
Full from the Stillness within.

Ingredient 23 - Forgiving

Oh boy.

This "ingredient" drudges up a lot of...drudgery, both past and present. However, in keeping with my usual expressive stylistic ponderings, I will try to withhold as much of my anger and resentment as possible while making my way through my analysis of this very sensitive of issues.  I wouldn't want to offend anyone.  Would I? 

Me???

All right: number 23...Forgiving...here we go...


So...I took an unplanned sabbatical from the Blogdom recently, and upon returning, I find that the next List item awaiting my unabashed blathering is "forgiving."  To this, I throw back my overloaded head and laugh: a cynical laugh; a shake-my-fists-at-the-sky laugh; an "oh hell, no...those fuckers aren't getting off that easily just because of a seemingly cosmic suggestion" laugh (What? You don't believe that God speaks to us through blog titles and poetry?  Well, aren't you a precious little atheist?). 

You might be wondering who and what I am carrying on about.  That's okay.  I'm sure you're not alone.  HOWEVER, since I don't currently feel like describing - in detail - the massive demon sphincters who are trying desperately to portray themselves as the (ever-dwindling) decent portion of humanity AND who have recently inserted themselves like expired suppositories into my Life's digestive tract, I will instead focus on the THINGS (or a lack thereof) that make them unforgivable bags of suckage.

 

I am not a difficult person.  I don't demand much from human beings, b/c I learned a long time ago not to expect much from them; however, there are a few things that every decently striving human being should TRY to possess, and they are as follows (in no real particular order; I'm simply numbering them b/c I think it looks pretty.  And also, my OCD demands it):


1. Consideration. Look, I realize we all drop the ball on this one from time to time.  With all of the distractions in life, it is difficult to be considerate ALL THE TIME.  I get that.  But those that cannot see past the tips of their own noses on a REGULAR basis are a complete waste of breath and arterial circulation.  Seriously, they are not worth the effort it takes to run the bodies that house their filthy fucking souls. (You guys have NO idea how difficult it is for me to be holding back right now.  I'm really proud of my self-control).



2. Honesty. This is not a difficult thing to achieve.  It just isn't.  And here's some solid advice on how one might begin to practice some semblance of an honest flow - more often than not: REFRAIN FROM BEGINNING EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE BY LYING TO YOURSELF.  If a person's life is completely off-balance because he/she is spending far more time PERFORMING than BEING, of course he/she will be unable to offer anything real to any relationship.  And what really gets me going are the taint boils that perform what they constantly refer to as their own authenticity.  "Hey. Look at me! I'm REAL. I say what's on my mind. I mean what I say!"  Yet the problem with most of these people is what they "mean," and therefore what they say, changes from one person to the next.  These people also often confuse being loud and obnoxious with "being real," OR they will offer up a bit of offensive banter as testament to their "honesty."  Shock value = "I'm as authentic as they come" to many of these clowns, but when it comes down to material of any real HONEST cut and consistency, they come up short.  They come up short, b/c - for whatever reason - they have trained themselves to perform.  The rest of us: we are just stage props, a means to an end, a way to serve their scripted character's self-preservation.  And, as it comes to preserving the false image of themselves they have worked tirelessly to perfect and project, NO ONE is safe from the reach of their grimy lies and deceit. When a person lies more in a day than they speak the truth, they are a "performer."  I have no use for such mentality.  Why would I waste my time and hard-won forgiveness on such a complete and utter farce.  I wouldn't.  And I won't.

3. Loyalty. This is an extremely difficult thing to come by these days - in its purest form. Every now and then, life requires us to stand up for what is right.  At times, this might mean standing between two people of importance to you if one of those people is behaving like a total turtle fart.  If you ever find yourself WAITING IN VAIN for someone to jump to your defense when you are being treated harshly and unfairly in a completely unwarranted fashion, then mark this as a serious red-flag and character flaw in that someone.  If a person that claims to love you will not do right by you b/c he or she is afraid of negatively impacting the relationship they have with the other person involved, I would advise that you make note of their silence as being shady and cowardly.  Loyalty is not about choosing favorites.  Loyalty is about having the courage to stand up for what is right on behalf of someone you love.  Loyalty is about being there when you are needed, even if - no, ESPECIALLY IF - things get uncomfortable and maybe even inconvenient.  There have been many times in my life when I have had to look someone I love in the eye and say, "You are being a hippo's ass right now."  And you know what? Those remain some of the strongest relationships I have.  On the flip side, I have had close ones say the same kind of thing to me when I was acting out with misplaced emotion.  I told them to fuck off, and we are no longer friends.  Loyalty.

So, That's it. CONSIDERATION.  HONESTY.  LOYALTY. And thus far, in my 37 years, I have discovered that if a person is severely lacking one of these qualities, they are more than likely lacking the other two, as well.  When you consider all the sewage that is a definitive result of missing the CHL chromosome, you can pretty much count on the fact that you WILL be let down and covered in shit by these people.  Trust me when I say that ignoring the red flags does not make you immune to the (inevitable) Let Down.  And usually, the let down will be detrimental enough that you will find yourself asking some version of two questions: 1. Why am I keeping this person around? and 2. What does forgiving this person mean, and will I lose a piece of myself in the process? (I guess that's technically three questions, but whatevs).

Blog Award (Liebster) Acceptance Speech

I am honored to have been nominated twice for the most prestigious blog award ever, The Liebster Blogger Award.  Thanks so much to http://badwordmama.blogspot.com/ AND http://www.pullmyfunnybone.com/ for recognizing how diversely intellectual and hilarious my blog is.  I am truly made humble by your celebration of my incredible writing prowess.  To be nominated is a monumental accomplishment, but I am even more honored that I WON IT.  I mean, I beat out like a thousand other blogger-nominees, and it's not like you automatically win just because your nominated...right?

For those of you that have not ever visited The Basement before now, here are my two most popular posts for your viewing pleasure (you're welcome):

http://akashicwindow.blogspot.com/2012/06/ingredient-15-children.html

and

http://akashicwindow.blogspot.com/2012/07/ingredient-18-mountains.html

As part of the conditions of accepting this very, very, very special accolade, I am supposed to answer, honestly, the following questions (each set of 11 questions was acquired from the two peeps that nominated me...the only fair thing to do if I am going to DOUBLY accept acknowledgement of my awesomeness is to answer both sets of questions):

Questions from Pullmyfunnybone's page:

1. Have you ever been caught in a lie?  I do not lie...ever, and if I did (hypothetically), I would lie about it.  Duh.

2. If you had superhuman powers, which power would you have? This is an easy one, as I have put A LOT of thought into this very thing over the years and recently shared with the Facebook world that my superpower - without any doubt at all - would be the ability to make people shit themselves at my command.  Just let that one simmer for a bit, and the next time someone pisses you off, let it come to mind.

3. If your significant other gave you a "free pass" - who would be yours?  hmmmm. My "free pass" would be him at a different age...maybe an age before we met???  Or maybe right around the time we met?  Or a couple of years after we met?  Both of us younger and more flexible with a teenager's libido.  Yeah.

4. What is your biggest phobia? I would have to definitely say roaches.  They are the embodiment of all evil.

5. What is the longest you've gone without taking a bath or shower? I don't go longer than every other day unless I am sick...the worst illness I can remember would probably have kept me out of the shower/bath for a few days (technically, even that's not true, b/c the hubs had to force me into a cold shower to get my 105 fever to drop.  That super-sucked).

6. What flaw is enough to make you end a relationship? Inconsideration...period.

7. Do you have any tattoos? Yes.  On the back of my neck resides the Latin word for "remember."

8. Have you ever looked in some one's medicine cabinet?  Yes.  Who hasn't?

9. Do you pee in the shower? Pretty much every time.

10. How often do you ignore calls on your cell phone? Pretty often.

11. What's your favorite part of your body?  My clitoris, obviously. 

 

Questions from Badwordmama's page:

 

1. Do you salt your watermelon?
No...never, but my boys do, and I have to say: I find it strange.

2. Your favorite beverage is?
My morning cup of coffee made with sugar and french vanilla creamer (Aldi brand: it is THE best creamer).

3. Have you ever tasted cat or dog food?
 I once put a dog "cookie" to the tip of my tongue.  Bland.

4. If you were a pro athlete, what sport would you play?
  Easy: putt-putt.

5. What animal best represents you?
  I am a lioness, bitches.  *ROAR*

6. What is the weirdest job you ever had/or hated?
  A combination GED tutor/prostitute.

 
7. Have you ever gotten stuck in something and had to yell for help to get out?
 Yes.  I was stuck on the bathroom counter for two hours until my husband got home from a late-night gig (not the same one I had), b/c I saw a mouse.

8. Have you ever "sharted" (SORRY!! MY HUSBAND MADE THIS ONE UP!!!)?
 Don't apologize.  Your husband is awesome, and yes, I have sharted.  I remember thinking "I now understand why they call it 'a Hershey squirt,' b/c it looks just like a squirt of Hershey."

9. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
 Like seven.  I was easy.

10. If you were on Death Row, what would your last meal request be?
A ribeye - cooked medium, a twice-baked potato w/ extra cheese and sour cream, steamed broccoli with a garlic butter sauce, and a couple of California rolls (w/cream cheese); several margaritas and water to drink; and a big-ass honkin piece of fried cheesecake drizzled atop with strawberry goodness (I kind of wish I was on death row right now).

11. What is one of your most embarrassing moments?

Honestly, I can't think of one.  I just don't embarrass easily...a blessing and a curse.
 

 

Okay.  Questions answered.  Now, per the rules of accepting the Liebster Award, I have to come up with eleven more questions of my own to ask the eleven other totally blogtastic blogs that I nominate for this most valuable of all blog awards (which seems kind of pointless since I already won it, but even still, I want to promote the following reads that are definitely worth your time). My eleven questions are written below the following list of awesome bloggers for them to copy, paste, and answer on to their respective pages should they choose to accept my nomination (as a nominee, be sure to copy and paste the Liebster icon on to your Blog Mainpage).  SOOOOOOOO, without further ado, I nominate:

 

http://www.kristiewashere.com/

http://shaystone-seriously-wth.blogspot.com/

http://jennoddo.blogspot.com/

http://mydailyjenn-ism.blogspot.com/

http://hillblocksview.blogspot.com/

http://www.pullmyfunnybone.com/

http://badwordmama.blogspot.com/

http://fearlessfibrowarrior.blogspot.com/

http://jenastrong.com/

http://abeginneragain.blogspot.com/

http://embraceyourcrazy.blogspot.com/


My questions to the above nominees should they choose to accept this incredibly blogalicious award:

1.) Do you consider yourself to be super-duper fly?
2.) What is your favorite reality show?
3.) Do you fear that the Apocalypse or Armageddon will occur in your lifetime?
4.) What is one of your top three favorite quotes of all time?
5.) Who is your Favorite writer?
6.) Can you recite any movie in its entirety, and if so, which one?
7.) What one person has most influenced your life thus far?
8.) What is your favorite childhood memory?
9.) Why do you blog?
10.) What is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to you?
And finally, number 11) Do you wipe front to back or back to front?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredient 22 - Truth

Oh my!  I have to wonder how many people will recognize how Cosmically appropriate it is that "truth" should be number 22 (this, btw, was not by design. When I composed what is now referred to - by basement dwellers - as "The List," I was not keeping track of the number of each "life-tab").  Anyhoo, I find it incredibly telling that Truth and 22 are revealed as a pairing.  Good shit.  Well done, Muse.  Well done.  And now....

Truth: As we sift through the windfalls of a matter more immense than we are meant to understand, the truth can lead us astray - having yet to find a proper and accurate way to define the certainties of an aged and fruitful generation.  Dropping the curtain on the intended recital, all characters are left to their own devices, and weaponry is usually outfitted first and foremost among the infant races. 

And, with the wood and iron that remains after the pillaging of a mind under pressure of proof and inquiry, a cross is made for the vessel to climb upon to ensure that her suffering is long and uninspired. 

Turn away from the light and there you will see dark.  Turn into the light, and there you will see the safe harbor that lives within, everlong.  Can you not take a breath without questioning its purpose?  Can you not question its purpose without stealing breath from the moment? 

Drop, drop, drop to your knees and let the vision humble you, for before long you will need humbling...again.  Stand, stand, stand on your toes and let the vision lift you, for it won't be long that you will need to be lifted, again. 

Seek without fear of being sought.  Do you understand?  You must seek without fear of being sought.

Ingredient 21 - Wanting

Next ingredient:  Wanting.  Right.  Let us get started, then...

Rather than launching into a pseudo-philosophical rant about the nature of "wanting," I have decided instead to write a post about things I want.  Feel free to gift any of the following.  I am not one of those people that pretend not to want gifts.  Presents are awesome!!

My wantings:

1. To be able to take a big honkin' crap.  Seriously, my bowels haven't properly moved in over a month, and I am walking around with a brick in my ass.  I need to drop an entire Cosby reunion off at the pool, if you catch my drift.  (Two days after writing this: wish granted.  Who knew all I had to do was blog about it to a very small fraction of the world?)

2.  I want world peace, but I cannot buy into the idealism that presents this as any sort of possibility.  The human rate of evolution is far behind such lofty goals.  It is what it is.

3.  I want Time to slow the hell down!  I always see depictions of Father Time as an old crusty man, but this cannot be accurate.  In my mind, he is a rude and impatient intruder just pushing us along, wanting to cut in line.

4.  I want to be able to eat what ever I wish when ever I wish and maintain the body I had when I was shopping - as an adult (a crazy SEXY adult) - in the little girl's department 10 years ago.  I really think I MIGHT wish for this before wishing for complete financial security...or world peace.  That's right: I'm doing something for MYSELF for once, so suck it.

5.  I want financial security...and not the type that gets the bills paid with nothing remaining.  I want to be able to buy that special something that makes me think of my best friend when I see it, or even for my neighbor to whom I hardly speak, without having to go over numbers in my checkbook only to find that it's not possible b/c I have groceries to buy and just enough with which to buy them.  I want to be able to take awesome vacations with my loved ones.  I want to be able to buy my son and my nieces and nephews new, safe cars or trucks to drive; I want to be able to pay my mother-in-law's house off, and pay for all the renovations she wants done; I want to be able to write checks of huge dividends to St. Jude's Hospital for Children every quarter; I want to be able to pay my best friend's school loans and credit cards off, and I want to build the beautiful house for which we have planned almost every detail right down to the awesome and HUGE zen garden.

6.  I want pharmacy keys.

7.  I want people to stop being blindly lead and encouraged to keep and create further division between us.  Let's let go of the envy, the class warfare, the racial and religious labeling.  THAT'S what I want.

8.  I want my alpha dog to stop eating his retarded brother's dookie.  I want to never see him walk out of a room with what looks to be a cigar hanging from his lips (and yes: the retard still poops in the house when he is upset about something or feels he isn't getting enough attention, which means ALL of the attention, leaving none for his shit-eating brother.  He's autistic).

9.  I want this country to return to the blueprint our fore-fathers laid out for us.

10.  I want TOOL to make another fucking record...for the love of god!!!  I NEED it.  That should be enough incentive for them.

11.  I want some more old typewriters to add to my collection.

12.  I want my husband's middle-of-the-night ass blastations to not stink or burn my thigh when he turns over and points that thing at me.

13.  I want a re-do on about four things I've said or done in my 36 years.

14.  I want to get my novel(s) written.

15.  I want to get my novel(s) published by a real publisher and not some ebook publisher.

16.  I want to time-travel at my own discretion and direction.

17.  I want to not feel hostile toward people that I think have good hearts, yet I question what I really know about them when their actions paint them as complete hypocrites and biased thinkers...this makes it easier for the hostility to abound.

18.  I want the world to recognize that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS REVERSE RACISM and to use this term is, indeed, racist.  Also, giving praise and respect to ANYBODY b/c of their skin color is every bit as racist as NOT respecting someone for their skin color.  Either way, character is being overlooked b/c of race. 

19.  And finally, I want - and am going to make a conscious effort, daily - to just be me, quirks and all; talents and all; gifts and all (even if some of said Gifts may be considered by some to be unconventional, i will no longer block ANY message given in and of Love & Light out of fear for what others may think about it).  I am what I am supposed to be.  I am exactly WHO I am supposed to be.  I am no longer going to fight the Title assigned to me, b/c this does not make me humble; it makes me ignorant and consumed by everything that does not matter.

20.  Oh yeah...and I want presents.


       

God lust, Blood lust

I interrupt this blog to express the following sentiment inspired by God Wars, as most recently depicted by 9-11-01 and its aftermath....

Concrete cocoons break;
They shatter,
but the spirit within will
fight or fly;
Either way, it will
not be undone
at the hand
of intolerant fire, raging
from afar.

Is there a page or      
a directive
from your holy book
that bleeds?
Would you take the air
from me
because my words,
my symbols are forbidden to
satisfy you?

As powerful as they are,
can't our Gods work this out
amongst themselves?

Ingredient 20 - "Failing"

Twenty ingredients in, and we have "failing."  It's gotta come up somewhere on The List.  No way around it.

Failing is an interesting plot line, and by "interesting" I mean: a totally necessary ass-rape...until we step out of our own prison and can feel free to drop the soap anywhere we please, without consequence.

We are pretty much taught from infancy that failure should feel bad, but at the same time we are taught that failure is meant to do good things for our character.  Supposedly, it makes us stronger, smarter, more compassionate... YET, if this is true, I have to say, the world is filled beyond its firmament with successful people.  Not much failure here on Earth!  No sir.  Not based on those guidelines.

Forgive my pessimism (or not...whatever), but I just don't see a whole lot of people actually learning from their mistakes.  On the contrary, what I see (mostly) is a planet over-run with two-legged egocentric monstrosities so hell-bent on NOT failing that they are pretty much dropping the proverbial ball all over the place and blaming every one else when they inevitably trip over it.  We are a sad, hot mess.  And, I blame the concept of "failure" (I also blame "blame," but that's another blog-post).


I've done a lot of thinking about this, and while there are many trinkets I could pull out of my toy box and share, this is a blog, not a novel; so I will pull out only the toys with the most alluring shape, size, and battery power: Let's play with prehistoric tendencies and...GOD.  Didn't someone say "ass-rape?"

Yep, God and failure = toMAYtoe/toMOToe. 

I am pretty sure that our cycle of ridiculously passive-aggressive self-obliteration MIGHT (ironically) have something to do with the religions of the world.  I mean, shit: if god and his angels are going to smite me for not living up to whatever "plan" happens to be laid out before me, it's likely that I am going to suffer some severe acid reflux - at the very least - when failure looms as a constant "maybe" to Life's never-ending challenges.  That's the kind of thing that will make you run from yourself...in circles.



I understand that there was a time when people did not have the science and technology to explain seemingly wrathful acts of nature, so they did the figuring and could only come up with punishment as a plausible answer.  What else could they do but start going over all the ways that they - as individuals and/or communities - had FAILED the entities controlling such magnificent things as lightening and tornadoes and tidal waves and fire.  It makes perfect sense, really.


But C'MON!  We have meteorologists and iphones now.  We are only a couple of centuries away from putting God on speed-dial.  So, why does the concept of failure still have us so shamelessly corralled? 

Systematically (and again: ironically), fear resulting from a lack of basic comprehension lead to the inevitable human contemplation of failure, which created a whole lineage of god-concepts.  Yet when understanding began to abound, religion remained a source of power-lust, and so the use of fear resulting from the threat of failure's disciplinary tactics is what built "organized god-wrath," which turned out to be quite the efficient fencing of "the herd."  And, it was such an easy thing to do because...

CONCEPTUAL FAILURE IS A HUMAN CONDITION. 
There isn't much we can do about what is inherently built into our DNA.  We either kill the gazelle or die of hunger.  We either rule the food chain or become the food.  If we fail, we die.  Our very chromosomes DEMAND success.  Right?   Maybe.


Maybe not...


MAYBE, we learn to rise above the terms of the "human condition." MAYBE, "the terms" exist just to be denied. MAYBE, we choose will over primal instinct.


And MAYBE, we reconcile OurSelves with our opinion of what is and is not Divine.

Ingredient 19 - "Obsessing again..."

"Dreams and rivers and haunting addictions

Lovers and hypocrites and dwindling prescriptions

Turmoil and sunsets and purpose and pain

Oceans and graveyards and secrets and rain

Forever and children and Angels of Sin

Mother and mountains and OBSESSING AGAIN..."

I cannot believe I have only come this far on The List.  Damn.  At least I picked a seemingly endless source of blogspiration.

Alrighty, then:


"Obsessing again..."  The subject matter changes, but the habit (?) does not.  Is obsessing a habit?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Perhaps a sickness?  I don't know.  I'll obsess about it later.

For as long as I can remember, I have been an obsessive thinker.  It's not worry.  That's different.  It's more like the mental equivalent of having to flip a light switch a certain number of times: the thought being the switch.  But, the difference between my form of OCD and having to wash my hands ten and a half times or touch my pillow three times before taking a dump, or having to kick the neighbor's cat before pulling out of the driveway is: these are all OUTWARD manifestations of crazy.

I would argue that - while outward crazy creates a lot more room for judgement - INWARD crazy is more difficult to live with.  If a friend and I are going out to dinner, for instance, and I feel the need to count a hundred and twenty-six carpet fibers before I can walk out the door, at least my friend is totally aware of my crazy and can sit silently by while I engage in ritualistic insanity.  BUT, do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to first find the correct sequence of thought-wording (which can only be accomplished by having the same semblance of said thought over and over again until the correct arrangement is stumbled upon), and THEN have to complete the sequence WITHOUT interruption when nobody even knows that such complete and utter craziness is afoot?  It feels kind of like this:

And also like this:

So, I take meds with the full understanding that I cannot expect anything close to full understanding from anyone that has not endured this kind of torment.  The meds make me forget just how bad it can get; then I start feeling brave - like I can exist without chemical realignment. But, my reality quickly puts "baby in the corner," again.

And that's all I have to say about that.